How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?
My answer: ALL THE GOD DAMN WAY!

I’ve just seen a film called “What The Bleep Do We Know”. My sister saw it when she went over to Texas and recommended it to me. I’ve been looking for it for ages and finally found it last night tucked away in a torrent file in internet oblivion. I downloaded it overnight last night and didnt expect it to be done for a long time (as the seeding numbers were rather low), anyway, I left it in the hope that it’d be finished today. I came home after work today and found that it had completed! Result!

So I sat down and watched it. Within the first 10 minutes of watching it I had a HUGE smile on my face and thinking to myself “hell yes, this is what it’s all about!” I can’t explain half as well as the people in the documentary / film can but basically it’s about quantum theory.

Quantum theory? That’s boring scientist shizzle about atoms and physics and shit. That’s what I thought but my GOD I couldn’t be farther from the truth. Here’s a VERY brief overview. Quantum theory is about reality, and more crucially the perception of reality, by us, humans and “observers”. It does go into physics and the atomic level to an extent but it’s actually a much broader field of science than I thought it was. Imagine one thing existing in two places at one time. That’s possible. It has been proven in a lab. Actually, I can’t really write now what the film is about because I’m getting a bit of a messed head just thinking about the possibilities and I really need to just think about what I’ve just learnt from watching it. If there is one thing you MUST watch then it is this film. The trouble is that I really don’t think many people are ready for it. It presents such a radical view and really needs the viewer to concentrate on the topic and it requires people to open their minds to so much possibility that I think the majority of the films content will just fly over a lot of people’s heads.

We create our own reality. Everything that we percieve is created by us and we have control over it. We don’t have a concious control over it yet, but the more people that become aware then more people will be aware that they can change their reality and make the world so much more of a better place. This may sound like a pipedream from some new-age hippy and to be honest I don’t care. I know this is the truth, just like I know that I’m sitting here typing this (I would say “now” but time doesn’t exist). I have felt that there is something not quite right with the world for a long time now, and if you read my previous blog then you’ll know that I have written this before.

I was just so blown away that I did a little test to create my own reality. It was such a trivial little test but it just freaked me out in such a cool way. You know when something amazing has just happened to you and you want to tell the whole world about it, well, that’s how I felt when I had done my little test. I was sitting in my chair facing my TV and I had a small empty box in my hand and my bin was behind me. I believed that I could throw the box over my head and make the box hit the wall and land in the bin with my eyes closed. So I closed my eyes and threw it over my head without actually trying to get it in the bin. I really was not concentrating on the action of throwing but the action of the box landing in the bin. I just threw it up not caring where it landed because I knew where it was going to land. I heard the rustle of the bin bag as it landed, slowly opened my eyes and turned around to see the box sitting perfectly in the centre of the bin. As soon as I saw it I just knew and had a beaming smile on my face. You’ll get the same feeling when you get the knowledge. Don’t worry, if you’ve stuck with this blog entry to this point then the knowledge will find you eventually, even if you don’t watch the film.

I’ve just had such a head fuck with that film. I LOVE IT! WATCH IT!

Hmm, well good news… things are better. In a way.
I’ve done quite a bit of thinking these past few days and realised a few things about myself. I need stability. I think everyone does, to different extents and in different ways. Some people need job stability, some need locational stability and some need emotional stability. I think i need the latter. This year has been pretty turbulent, my parents divorce, moving house, losing contact with my mum and starting a new job, I haven’t had any real stability for quite a while. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. There are people in the world who are a lot worse off than me, I’m not losing perspective on the world or anything. It’s just that right now I’m focusing on me, because I can and this is my site so I can do what I want on it. ok?! good

Anyway, I think I was hoping that a girlfriend would offer the kind of stability that I was looking for. I wasn’t looking to settle down, or get overly committed but just to have some companionship and someone who I could talk to about anything and everything. My (ex)girlfriend and I could do that, we talked about a lot of stuff, some of it was just pure rubbish and the rest of it wasn’t. I miss that. The ability to talk about crap with someone who will talk crap back, but know when to be serious and honest. I was probably looking for too much in my last relationship, trying to find something that wasn’t there but could’ve.

So I need to do some more thinking before I know how to move on and how to deal with the lack of stability in my life. In some ways I just want to ignore it, but I know that won’t make me happy. If I look inside myself a bit more then I might just be able to figure it out a bit more and find what I really need. And that might just be an email.

Who knows?